Last Year

Today I've been thinking a lot about this time last year. I was at Brigham and Women's Hospital. I had been transferred from Baystate via ambulance on 2/23/24. It was such a whirlwind of events and information. After multiple tests, David and I were told that my heart was failing and I was in end stage heart failure. I was aware that a heart transplant would be a potential treatment down the road but when you hear it in an affirmative statement it is like a punch in the stomach, your mouth goes dry, you feel a lump in your throat and it's hard to breathe. You put on a courageous face for the doctors and nod your head because words just won't come out of your mouth. When do you break down? When they leave the room you fall into your husband's arms and hang on for dear life. The realization that you are dying is the loneliest feeling even when your husband has his arms wrapped around you.

As I processed this information one of the first things I thought was "how do I tell my kids?" I was most concerned about how they would handle the news...so with a brave face David and I told the kids through a six way FaceTime call. They were all very stoic and supportive. It was exactly what I needed Their strength gave me strength. Now I just needed to pass the evaluation, get on the heart transplant list and live long enough to receive a heart!

I started the evaluation at Brigham. It was a grueling process, all the while your hoping that you will make it through the day and wake up in the morning. I was discharged on March 13th after being in the hospital for 3 weeks. I was released with a Hickman catheter in my chest and a Milrinone infusion that went 24/7. This medication was helping my heart beat stronger. When I first got home I was afraid all the time. I eventually buried the fear. I tried to make the best of each day by doing things that I enjoy and focusing on the positive things in my life. Honestly I don't feel much better today than I did then but I'm still pushing forward through it all. I have a lot of the same emotions and fears but I try to stay assured and appreciative of all my blessings. I'm grateful for everything and everyone in my life! You are all so important to me and my recovery!

Each 💔 beat matters

KellyAnn