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I want to be sedated

Today I had an appointment with the heart transplant clinic at 8am followed by a right heart catheterization with biopsy. Last night we stayed at the hotel right next to the hospital. It was a lovely evening. We had dinner at the hotel restaurant because it is getting increasingly difficult to walk with my foot pain. After dinner we relaxed in the hotel room just spending time together.

This morning we arrived at my appointment on time. It was a good visit. We discussed that I continue to experience the same symptoms as last month with the new addition of bilateral foot and ankle pain. There has been no improvement from withholding my pravastatin so we are going to restart it again. My doctor explained that it could be a few different things causing the pain and we need to do some studies to rule out some contributors including lupus, gout, arthritis and neuropathy. She ordered bloodwork to test for some of these conditions. She will be referring me to rheumatology and I will be switching my anti rejection medication Myfortic back to Mycophenolate- its confusing but I understand.

If nothing significant shows on the bloodwork she will be prescribing me Gabapentin for the pain. Hopefully something works!! I am also scheduled for my cardiac pulmonary stress test on February 7th and then I will follow up again at the clinic.

My procedure started off as usual. It was a provider that I had not met yet doing the operation. I was on the table and prepped. They gave me some sedation and numbed my neck. He placed the catheter and the pressure was uncomfortable. I didn't feel the effects of the sedatives so I requested more sedation. Right away they said "of course " and then the provider asked what I had gotten at the last procedure, the nurse answered him and the extra sedative was never given. I was so uncomfortable,not to mention, I was lying flat with my head turned to the right and a catheter inserted in my neck headed towards me heart. I was completely helpless and paralyzed with fear. Why couldn't he make me more comfortable?? I don't understand. Unfortunately, when I get really upset and anxious I tend to shut down so I layed there just praying for it to be over.

Once it was over I just wanted to get out of there. I asked right away if I could sit up and the nurse said " you've had medication we'd rather you wait for the stretcher " I sat up an told the nurse that I can walk to the stretcher I'm fine. No one told me he wasn't giving me the sedation medication or explained why? The doctor came over and asked me how I was doing? He then patronizingly said "it didn't hurt" I couldn't even look at him never mind respond. I was so upset the whole rest of the day. I actually burst into tears in the shower tonight. I'm traumatized by this and I will be expressing my concerns at the next biopsy so that this doesn't happen to me again. I feel weak that I just shut down and I wasn't able to articulate my concerns and advocate for myself today but when I feel that I have no control I guess it's a defense mechanism. My whole career I have advocated for others and I just couldn't do it for myself today. I will be sharing this situation with my therapist tomorrow. I want to try to put this behind me and concentrate on the positive things in my life. My new heart, my family and my many friends!!

Tomorrow will be a better day

Each💔 beat matters


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Amen Nancy we knew a few of those aholes


Dr. Dickhead


Some doctors think they are god and have no empathy( I have run into a few)Just request that you don’t have that doctor again. you are going through enough without adding more pain and anxiety. I pray that that your health gets better Kelly. It is good that you’re seeing a therapist you can vent on her/him. Sending prayers and love.❤️🙏


I read your posts and feel what you are saying. You put your feeling into words so well. I have experienced anxiety and panic attacks since my Dad left when I was young. You keep up the good fight. I must get out to see you again.

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David and I would love it!


KellyAnn, how unfortunate that you had to deal with this treatment regardless of your situation. I also agree with Shirley to make sure that that Dr. never is allowed near you again. Im sure there is protocols in place that will allow you to proceed in making that suggestion. There is so much wrong going on here. I know you will stay centered and adjust to the new treatment plan. I pray that this experience is behind you now. One bad apple isn't enough to spoil the bushels of people that are in your corner. My wish is for a better day for you today..❤❤

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