It's been a little while since I've posted on my blog. My labs from last week were all within normal limits except for my Tacrolimus level it was high at 11.8 so I was instructed to decrease my morning dose to 2mg and continue my evening dose of 2.5mg. I feel like I've been just going through the motions. I'm on autopilot these days. I physically feel better than I did last week but I don't feel like I'm progressing in my recovery. I still have all my usual symptoms some days they are more tolerable than others. I continue to struggle with feet and ankle pain bilaterally. I spoke with the heart transplant team and they suggested that I hold my Prevastatin until my next appointment on 1/23/24 at which time they will evaluate and discuss options for treatment. The Prevastatin medication is used to prevent graft artherosclerosis in the new heart. If the grafts become obstructed because I'm not taking this medicine it would be detrimental! This recommendation makes me very anxious. Honestly everything makes me apprehensive lately. I have never been an anxious person. I'm a nurse and we are the calm in heightened situations. We comfort our patients when they are worried, it's in our nature and a part of our profession. I know anxiety is inherent based on any given situation but I've always felt when I was distraught it was appropriate and I was able to handle it but since the surgery I am anxious, worried or nervous all the time and I'm having what I interpret as panic attacks. My thoughts race, my heart races, I feel tearful and out of control, scared and even paralyzed sometimes. I feel like I'm going crazy. I have never felt this way before and it is honestly terrifying at times. It has gotten so uncomfortable that I am seeking professional help. The referral was placed by the Cardiac rehabilitation nurse. I met with my new therapist last Thursday and I really felt heard. I'm optimistic that he will be beneficial in helping me. I just want to feel better physically and mentally.
Today Elizabeth brought me for my lab work at Cooley Dickinson today and then to my hair appointment. She did fantastic driving in the snow storm and got me safely where I needed to be. Thank you Lizzy! I'm so lucky to have you ā¤ļø The rest of the week will be Cardiac rehab on Wednesday and Friday. Next Tuesday I will be in Boston for a clinic appointment and biopsy.
Tomorrow is Molly's 25th Birthday ! Happiest of Birthdays to you!! I look forward celebrating with you tomorrow!!
Each š beat matters
KellyAnn
Bella got a haircut too... cutie
I enjoy spending time with and driving you all around! I hope the therapy helps you get through the anxious thoughts you are dealing with with right now and I know as you improve physically you will also improve mentally! Hang in there Kellyann š
You have been on my mind as you havenāt posted in awhile and youāre always in my prayer. Glad that you are seeing a therapist. Talking to someone who is not family or friends maybe more beneficial to you. We all want you to be instantly healed and well. It is going to take time, maybe a long time. But you have love ones who will be with you every step of the way. Your little Bella is adorable š„°. Please give my Molly a kiss for me, I canāt believe she is 25 years old. š. Stay strong Kelly, you have a lot to look forward toā¤ļø
Oh Kelly I feel like this is a normal reaction to everything you have been through. I am glad you are seeking help. Remember as nurses yes we are the calm ones but if you are anything like me we are also IMPATIENT, and do not make the best patients because we KNOW TOO MUCH, even though it already feels like a lifetime of feeling crappy after the surgery your body is still healing, finding its way, getting used to the new normal. My Sunday prayers are always for you, it will get better, you are strong little one and believe that things will get better it is just hard to get there, itās the climbā„ļøā„ļøā„ļøā„ļø
I guess its in your nature to be the calm one in the room. It led you to your nurse calling. It must be so foreign to you to feel this anxiety. Your 8 months into this new life . You've had so many adjustments that your dealing with. Its ok to feel these real emotions. I hope and pray that whoever can read this message will join me in taking a deep breath and send you some healing prayers. Collectively we can let you know we all can help in reminding you that we understand. Spring is coming. Big hugs..I ā¤ā¤